How To Avoid The Soul-Crushing Effect of Being Told No…

by Cathy on September 27, 2016


Have you ever been in the situation of wanting to put yourself or your business out there, only to talk yourself out of it because the idea of being rejected felt soul crushing?

I’ve been in that painful place many times.

My typical pattern is to get so inspired by something or someone, get flooded with great ideas,  and then talk about it to a lot of people without taking any action. Eventually my enthusiasm evaporates and the idea falls by the wayside.

About a month ago, I was at a party and I got introduced to someone who is a high profile person in a business that I know nothing about but have started to have an interest in.

I spent most of the evening in a conversation with him about his work which I found totally fascinating.  I asked for his card so that I could go to his website and check out his program.

The next morning I went to the site to take a look around and it was the most confusing, poorly written, visually boring site I’ve been on in a long time.

This person was about to get his own TV show on a major news network where he’ll be giving his expertise and my fear is that his viewers will do just what I did when I went to his site–click away because it’s just too confusing.

Do I Dare?

I was so riveted by his business and have become so interested in his field that I could not deny the impulse to want to help him. He desperately needs a re-branding for his site and I want to be the one to do it.  I understand his message and know just how he needs to position himself.

I started putting together an e-mail and remembered that I’m in the middle of updating my home page which I want to be accurate in case he checks out my site.

It took one week to finish the updates on my site.

For each day that went by, sending the e-mail and working with him felt less and less like a good idea.

Because each day my inner saboteur got louder and louder:

“How rude is that, trying to sell him on your services after meeting him at a party?”

“He is so out of your league, what are you thinking?”

“It’s already after the fact, he probably won’t even remember you.”

Every cell of my being wanted to forget the whole thing.

It would have been so easy to skulk away and pretend it never happened as I had so many times before.

And thought, I have to take a stand for myself and I have to follow through this time.

Inspired Action and Right Alignment

The thing that allowed me to even consider sending the e-mail was my “why.”  I wasn’t approaching him because I was being strategic, I was approaching him because I was excited and interested in what he’s doing and I want to be part of it.

Taking inspired action is such a different feeling than being strategic.

It’s amazing how far unbridled enthusiasm can take you.

The more I realized that not by sending the e-mail I was allowing myself to hide, the more I knew I just had to do it.

And the less it became about his response.

When the day rolled around for me to send the e-mail, I was so ecstatic that I didn’t abandon the idea that I didn’t care if he deleted the e-mail and never even read it.

All that mattered was that I thought enough of myself to send it.

Because my focus was on breaking my usual pattern, I had inadvertently let go of the outcome and in doing so, experienced a soaring freedom I had no idea existed.

And just to seal the deal, right before I sent it, I hit a fly ball back to The Universe by saying: “I hold the intention for the highest outcome of this situation for all involved.”

So whatever happens, will happen.

But the real outcome for me was realizing I’d crossed over from needing a specific result to being able to step up and take a stand for my business and then get the hell out of the way.

I hit the send button and experienced the liberation that comes from not being attached.

Total Freedom.

And about two hours later, here’s what came into my inbox:

Thanks Cathy, I’m interested but swamped
I’ve spoken to others and it’s priority just not the top priority as I’ll need time to get settled etc.
so let’s stay in touch and see in a few months
thanks again-

The rest is still unwritten…














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  • Gaye Lalich

    When I come from an inspired intention , without attachment to results, I am always spot on no matter what the end result is. Powerful message and so important for those of us in business to remember. Couldn’t have said it better. Awesome words once again.

  • Wendy Wolfe

    Great message Cathy. I especially like “All that mattered was that I thought enough of myself to send it.” This jewel is going on a piece of paper where I can be reminded of this :-). And now I’m examining how I perceive my own worth and how that stops me. And congrats on the Holistic Chamber of Commerce panel invitation.

  • Thanks so much for your insights Wendy. I’ve really re-framed the way I look at asking for things and going after opportunities. It just comes down to whether I take a stand for myself or allow myself to shrink down. As my Mom always said, “all they can say is no.” xoxo

  • Thanks Gaye! You are so right–the inspired intention makes all the difference. <3

  • Michelle White Hart

    Fabulously inspiring, Cathy! Thank you for sharing the anatomy of your journey from inspired to ditching the whole thing to going for it and the mindset of how to say Yes to yourself!!!

  • Michelle White Hart

    love your Mom’s wisdom! “all they can say is no!” I need to repeat that like a mantra!

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