Why You Need To Give Up The Fight

by Cathy on January 24, 2014

The other day one of my clients e-mailed me this:

I’ve been feeling bad about my business lately. I feel like there’s so much to know and no matter how much I learn, there’s always more.

Everywhere I look there’s someone who is doing it bigger, better, and faster than I am.

OK, so there it is.

So I’m telling myself that I am good enough. Smart enough. And that I can learn ANYTHING.

So screw you, fear. I am bigger than you. And I will kick ass while building my dream.

And I thought to myself–oh darling, you have no idea that trying to fight your way through this is SO not the right thing to do.

I want her to feel empowered–which is a very different energy than having power over.

When two forces collide, the victory goes to the one who yields. – Lao Tzu

Thinking that you’re going to fight your way to your dreams and then once you get there, exhale and be in this beautiful space that you’d always envisioned is an energetic impossibility.

You can’t have a horrible journey and wind up at a wonderful destination.

It sucks when you feel beaten down by your circumstances.  It sucks to feel afraid that you’re not going to get what you want in life.

why you need to give up the fight

 

So it seems like the right thing to do to push through it.

And I cannot tell you how many times I’ve done just that.

I’ll show them!

I will not be stopped.

and my old anthem:  Oh, really?  Just. Wait.

And I would gear up and get ready for the fight.

I accomplished a lot in my life through fighting and sheer force of will, but what nobody ever tells you is that it’s not sustainable.  Adrenaline works in fits and starts but it doesn’t have longevity.

Adrenaline will help you in the sprint, not the marathon.

When two forces collide, the victory goes to the one who yields. - Lao Tzu

Having to push through your fear requires force.

Which means everyday you have to pump yourself up for a fight as opposed to being empowered by passion, excitement, or enthusiasm.

Using force is the how we compensate for feeling powerless. - David Hawkins

Think about that one for a second…

And then think about this…

What would happen if instead of trying to fight the fear, you just approached it with curiosity and tried to find out what it needs from you.

What myth do you need to dispel about the situation?

What’s the toxic belief operating below the surface that’s not even true?

Why does where you are now feel safer than where you want to be?

On the other side of the fear is the opening to your deepest inspiration.

We have no reason to mistrust our world, for it is not against us.  Has it terrors, they are out terrors; has it abysses, those abysses belong to us; are dangers at hand, we must try to love them.

And if only we arrange our life according to that principle which counsels us that we must always hold to the difficult, then that which now still seems to us the most alien will become what we most trust and find most faithful.

How should we be able to forget those ancient myths that are at the beginning of all peoples, the myths about dragons that at the last moment turn into princesses; perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave.  Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us.” – From Letters To A Young Poet, Ranier Maria Rilke

What say you?  How do you deal with your fear?

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Rochelle Gordon January 25, 2014 at 12:50 pm

Great post Cathy! Fighting is resisting and resisting is what blocks our energy to move to where we want to be.

Cathy Wilke January 25, 2014 at 2:05 pm

Very well said Rochelle! Thanks for stopping by.

Tess Vergara January 26, 2014 at 11:27 am

I love this post. I find myself still vascillating to extremes of either powering through or being completely at peace by simply being and allowing. And this post is a great reminder to strike the balance between the two and enjoy every bit of the journey. Thanks! Great post.

Cathy Wilke January 26, 2014 at 12:02 pm

It’s definitely a balancing act Tess–especially when one’s tendency is to power through. I like the term “inspired action” which I feel is a real middle ground.

Samantha Watkins January 27, 2014 at 1:30 pm

What about the fact that to fight is the masculine, its not the way of the queen to fight, but to find help, to be provided for, whether is be by a man or by support and encouraging what makes the situation great and makes her grow. When we push ourselves to fight through, we are not honoring our ability to use our feminine to encourage and nurture the part of us that has this thought, belief or action to grow into the solution. :)

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