In any competitive situation, whoever has the least interest, has the most power.

When I read this quote, it just about knocked me over.

The quote is from The Joy Diet by Martha Beck What’s funny is that I had been working on a blog post for the last couple of weeks about want. You know, the things you have buried so deep in your consciousness they’ve practically disappeared? Those things that if you were able to have/acheive them, would give you a sense of peace/accomplishment/contentment? Those things that if you had them, would make your heart sing? Notice you don’t ever tell them to anyone, least of all yourself.

As a life coach I always begin by asking my clients what they want in the different areas of their lives. The process of coaching is an inquiry into want, but want is also a vehicle. It is our desire for various things in life that propels us into action. Whether it’s the desire for something (money)or the desire to keep something from happening (losing our jobs) desire is the prime mover. Yet, it is so difficult to articulate our wants. I’ve noticed that most people are either afraid of them or they have spent so many years denying them that they can’t even locate their desires. Helping people to identify their wants and lay down a plan for actually getting them is to me the most rewarding thing I can do.

In any competitive situation, whoever has the least interest, has the most power.

The quote is referring to the basis of all Buddhist doctrine which is the concept of detachment. Detachment is a rough concept to grasp. Wanting something, doing everything in your power to make it happen, but letting go of the outcome takes a lot of discipline. Holding on too tightly to the outcome causes tension and impedes performance. Professional athletes aren’t focused on winning when they compete, it’s focused on playing the game to the best of their ability.

There’s a movie in theaters right now that is a documentary about the casting of the 2004 revival of A Chorus Line. In the movie Rachelle Rak, who is a veteran broadway performer is up for the role of Sheila. If you know the show, Sheila is the provocative, somewhat bitter, sexy, older dancer whose quick wit is ready with a comeback at any moment. Rachelle could not be more right for the part. In the course of the movie there are many interviews with the dancers who are being considered for roles. In one of the interviews Rachelle comes right out and says that she doesn’t want to let herself think about getting the role because she doesn’t want to have to experience the devastation she will feel if she doesn’t get it. It is clear that she is afraid of her wanting.

One of the pivotal scenes of the movie takes place during the final call backs, eight months after the first audition. There have been numerous dance and vocal auditions and it is finally the end of the line. Now it is down to yes or no. Unfortunately it is a “no” for Rachelle. When her agent tells her the news, she doesn’t even flinch. She made some flip comment like “you have no idea how Broadway wants me, you have no idea” and took her things and left. No emotion, no tears, no nothing. HER REACTION WAS SO SHIELA.

Why do we think if we pretend not to want something that we really want that it will somehow lessen the hurt when we don’t get it?

What Rachelle did has nothing to do with detachment–as a matter of fact it was just the opposite. She didn’t just want the role–she needed the role. Her entire career was riding on it. Wants are tricky. You need to know what you want and go after it, but then you have to let go of the outcome. It requires serious trust; trust that if you don’t get what you want there’s a really good reason–or there’s something better coming down the path. It’s a careful dance this one of manifestation. You need to know when to push and when to let go.