What Jeff Daniels Taught Me About Perspective

by Cathy on December 24, 2014

2014-01-18 11.50.11
Recently I read article in New York Magazine about the actor Jeff Daniels.  You know, Jeff Daniels, star of the HBO series Newsroom and all around amazing actor?
Yes, that Jeff Daniels.
I was surprised to learn that prior to starring in Newsroom, he considered his career to be marginal.  Even after lead role in the movies Terms of Endearment, The Purple Rose of Cairo, Gettysburg, Dumb and Dumber, and Something Wild he’s felt disappointed, exploited and underpaid.
He describes himself as someone who wasn’t sought out for his ability, but used to fill a role.  He accepted $75,000 for his role in Dumb and Dumber while Jim Carrey was paid $7 million.
Really?
How could this amazing artist who is also a celebrity have been feeling so disappointed in the trajectory of his career?
How is it that I see such a different version of him than the one he sees?
And then I thought of the many, many conversations I’d had with friends over the years regarding my business and my life and how I’d been seeing things from the same bizarro perspective as Jeff Daniels.
Totally twisted.
When I was working at my last full-time job, I decided to do my one-woman show because I wanted to feel like that job didn’t own me—I wanted to reconnect to that part of myself.  So I got a director and went through the four week rehearsal process nights and weekends and put on the show.
Afterward, one of my friends said to me “I think you’re amazing and I really envy you.  You’re the only person I know who is disciplined enough to have a day job and still do their art.”
And instead of taking that beautiful compliment, all I could say was, “but I feel like a loser still working at this day job.”
I’ve spent so much time judging myself and it always comes down to the same thought:
You should be further along than you are.
The Buddhist teacher Steven Levine is quoted as saying
“Hell is wanting to be other than where you are.”
There’s a part of me that wants to say that’s a little harsh, but if you’re on a spiritual path, you understand exactly what this means.
It doesn’t mean that you never want more for yourself but instead that you are fully present and appreciative of where you are in any given moment.
It’s about walking in gratitude and seeing everything as a gift–even the difficulties.
I was at a ceremony for the Winter Solstice on Sunday led by a shaman and one of the things she said was:
Don’t be stopped by the place you occupy in life, instead tune into the fire in your belly and let that lead you.
And it made me think, it’s not the place we occupy in life that stops us, but the story we tell ourselves about that place.
It’s how we judge that place and compare ourselves with others that keeps us small, scared, and stuck.
And then we become trapped in the story and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When you’re in a soul business–you are the parent and your business is the child.  How will a child thrive if the parent is critical and not accepting?
What story are you telling yourself about your place in the world that isn’t serving you?
What would you need to let it go?
If fear were the biggest illusion and the greatest lie of all time, how would you choose to live your life?  If you knew failure is impossible, what would you do? - Jackson Kiddard
I’m wishing you the same thing I’ll be working on for myself which is not just acceptance of where I am, but appreciation.
Appreciation for all that you’ve done, all that you are, and all that the world has yet to acknowledge.
Don’t wait for the world or circumstances to validate you or  show you appreciation.
Do it for yourself.
Now.
Love,
signature
Share

{ 0 comments }

Anyone who knows me is very aware that winter is a real struggle for me so I’m on the look out for things to be happy about.  :)
The show that nature puts on every single night outside my bedroom window is pretty amazing.  I’ve made a ritual of going in there at sunset and watching.
So gorgeous…
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what really stops a person from going for what they want in their business.
Where do they get stopped, and what’s really underneath the issue?
 
I’ve been blessed in the work I do to be privy to so many business back-stories.
Whether it’s from clients I’ve coached or friends who are also entrepreneurs I’ve noticed that when people get stuck in their business it usually is for one of two reasons:
  • They don’t know what strategy to use.
  • They have a  fear of being seen and because of that, they don’t put themselves out there.
I think there can be a lot of reasons why someone is afraid to be seen.
They’re afraid of being criticized, ridiculed or challenged.

No One Really Cares About My Work

But the thing I see with so many of the people I work with is that they don’t want to put themselves out there because they think that their business is just another version of what so many others are doing.
They don’t want to add to all the noise that’s already out there.
They think others who are more visible have already said what needs to be said.
And because of that they’re discouraged.
And I totally get it.  
The thought, “nobody is going to care about this because it’s already being done” stopped me dead in my tracks more times than I’d like to admit.
It’s the reason I would decide at the last minute not to go to networking events.
It’s what fueled my writer’s block…for YEARS.
Not having a way to differentiate myself from all the other business coaches out there undermined my confidence as an entrepreneur and held me back for a long time.
Think about it, if you were the only person in the world who did the work you do, how would that change the way you run your business?
Pretty liberating isn’t it?
When you’re the only one doing what you do you automatically stand out.
And when you stand out you feel confident about promoting your business.
And when you promote your business, the people who need you find you and you make money.
It can be hard to articulate what makes you different or to identify your unique point of view on your work because you’re not seeing it from an objective point of view.
It took me years of trial and error along with begging for feedback from people about my work for me to finally start to get some clarity on how what I did was different from what other coaches were doing.
It was a long frustrating process.
And the same thing might be happening to you.
What does it actually look like in your day to day life?
  • You feel totally lost and have no idea don’t know what to do to take the next step in your business.
  • You know what you need to do but can’t get yourself to do it because you can’t focus on anything.
  • Something just feels “off” and you don’t know what it is.
I have worked with many people who were just trying to get clients when in fact the work they were doing was so much bigger than that.
Many of them were stewarding a movement.
But they weren’t able to see it from the perspective they had at the time.
And because of that, they weren’t taking the right actions in their business because they didn’t see where they were headed.
I want to help you stand in the power of the work you do, connect to your biggest vision, and help your business stand out from everyone else who does the same thing.
Wishing you the vision to see all that is possible for you-

Love,
Cathy

Share

{ 0 comments }

How to Connect to your guidance in businessThis is a photo my husband took this summer when we were in Monument Valley. There was something about being in such wide open space that allowed me to let go of anything I was worrying about and just be with the experience. It was the best place to begin the summer of I don’t know.

All that spaciousness ended up allowing me to connect to something really crucial and by the time we got to Santa Fe I had a big epiphany.

When I started my business, I did a lot of in person events. But then it was time to “get to the next level” so I began following the online business model to scale your business by putting my programs online.

For the last couple of years I’d actually been dreading doing my programs. So much so that not one but two of my webinars had such technical difficulties that we had to stop them mid-way and reschedule. There were many other mishaps on all the others that I won’t go into here but let’s just say it never went smoothly.

You would think that the combination of my dreading these events and the constant difficulties regardless of which platform I used (google + hangouts, Go To Webinar, Teleconference)—would have caused me to reassess the idea of giving webinars.

But why take the time to look at what’s lurking below when you can just bulldoze right over it and make it work somehow?

I AM A HUMAN BULLDOZER.

Can we talk about the time I showed up at a summer camp to do my one-woman show without the props, music or slides that were absolutely necessary to telling the story?

I went on anyway and I made it work.

Cause that’s how I roll.

The show must go on.

Back to Summer Vacation

Because I was in such dire need of a break I allowed myself to totally disconnect mentally from my business.

And what do you know, I ended up having an epiphany about my work.

I realized that I not only could I go back to doing live events but I absolutely should because I enjoyed them and they allowed me to bring my whole personality into my business which up until now has been one of the big things that was missing.

That’s right people, you have no idea who I really am. :)

Since one of the main things I do is to help entrepreneurs incorporate all of who they are into their business, you can imagine my shock at this realization.

Well, that’s all going to change thanks to The Summer of I Don’t Know.

Letting myself off the hook for following the online model and deciding to focus my efforts on in-person events in addition to working with one on one clients felt as though I had been holding my breath for three years and finally allowed myself to exhale.

Such sweet relief.

But This Is How It’s Done

I could look at what other successful coaches are doing and see that many of them started out by doing in-person events. When they wanted to scale their business and go to the next level they put their programs online.

And even though I’m going in the opposite direction of everyone else in this space, I’m doing it anyway because it feels right.

I don’t get a knot in my stomach when I think about doing live events the way I do when I think about doing an online group program—I get excited.

I used to be all about following “the model.” which was derived from doing what the “experts” have done to grow their business.

Here’s the problem with that:

  • Just because certain strategies worked for one person doesn’t’ mean they’ll work for someone else. If you’ve got 500 people on your list and you’re trying to use the strategy that someone with 5000 people on their list uses, that’s not going to work. It’s not apples to apples.
  • You’ve got to create the business model that works for you. Because if it doesn’t work for you—it’s not going to work period.
  • When you’re in the business of transformation there is no road map but the good news is there is all manner of help, guidance and assistance available for you on this path. And that guidance is in the form your intuition.

 

When you’re creating stuff that you feel passionate about and you are delivering it in the way that you feel great about you’re in an energy that people respond to.  And you enjoy the process which is key to being able to repeat the process.

There’s nothing wrong with tweaking your offers to better meet the needs of your audience but what you initially create has to be in line with what’s in your heart to give.

Otherwise it just won’t work.

I’ve done what I thought was the right strategy many times and did not have good results.

And when you’re following what everyone else is doing, then what’s the chance of you doing something original and world-changing?

We all want someone to just give us the steps and tell us what to do so we can go on auto pilot and get down to doing our work.

We a road map, a system…we want to be led.

If you let it, your internal guidance WILL lead you.

But you have to be open to hear it.

“Follow the grain in your own wood.” – Howard Thurman

When have you gotten guidance about something in your business? 

Did you follow it or do what you thought you should do? 

What were the results?

Share your experience in the comments, I’d love to hear about it.

Love,

Cathy

Share

{ 1 comment }

Why taking a break is imperative for succes

It never fails—every time I’m fearful about putting something out there, it ends up getting an enormous response. After a long hiatus from my newsletter, I wanted to let people know where I’d been all summer. I was very reluctant to tell the story but I did. Based on what came into my inbox after the newsletter went out, apparently it’s not just my story, a lot of people’s related to what I wrote.

Thanks to everyone who wrote about how the newsletter impacted them and shared their story of trying to push through.

So I wanted to talk a little more about The Summer Of I Don’t Know and to share some more details of my experience in the hope that it will help you avoid some of the resistance and tricks that the ego will play on you.

By May, I had already hit that brick wall that I was headed for so taking time off was no longer a luxury, it was a necessity. During Memorial Day weekend, I made the decision to finish up with the clients I was currently working with and not take any new ones so I could take a month off. I made the decision when I did my business plan the prior December that I would be leaving a lot of unscheduled time in the summer anyway, since I barely left my office during the summer of 2013—also known as The Lost Summer.

I figured that a month of not working would be plenty of time to decompress and realign myself.

When I started disconnecting from business the first thing I did was just allow myself to do whatever I wanted to do: sleep, read, watch TV, see friends, go to movies. I wanted to address the burn-out before anything else and let myself unwind.

Here Comes the Resistance

Because I really had no plan, I figured once I felt rested, some clarity would emerge and I’d get back to work.

I kept waiting to feel better about my business…

I noticed a very interesting pattern during this transition. I would meditate and journal and do visualizations which have always been part of my routine but now I could see that it was with an agenda. I was doing all that in the hope that it would lead me to a great idea or get me inspired to GET BACK TO WORK!!!

I wanted to be better because I thought that would help me to create success.

So I was micromanaging my meditation and my energy to think myself into a positive state so that I could tap into some inspiration and move my business forward.

Once again, I’m totally missing the point and I still haven’t disconnected from the thing that’s at the root of the problem:
Fear of not having enough clients/money.

“You can come to God as a lover…or a prostitute.” – David Wilcock

We could say that it’s normal to want to be successful and that everyone has to earn money to live so I should be pursuing clients and business.

This is not what this was about. I’m not denying that the need to earn a living is very real for most of us, but you’ll have to tune in to the next newsletter where I’ll talk about how I put that into perspective. Let’s just say that my demons were not about making enough to survive, it had to do with a definition of enough that was constantly changing. In other words—an insatiable need for more.

So it’s week 4 of the break and while I was grateful for the epiphany, I still didn’t have any clarity on what to do with my business nor was I feeling the least bit inspired.

I told myself I couldn’t possibly take any more time—but because I’ve basically been off the grid and done nothing to market my business I didn’t have any work lined up for July.

So I start thinking about what I “should” do.

“I should really get back to work…but I can’t face it…but what am I going to do this fall? If I don’t start planning something now, I’ll have nothing happening in September. What if I don’t have any clients?”

And a moment of Grace happens and I feel into my gut and I get the sensation of trying to drive a car that doesn’t have any gas in it. I just can’t make myself do it. I simply can’t. I’ve already invested four weeks into the process. There’s no turning back until I get what I came for.

There’s still another month of summer so what the hell. I just have to trust that I’ll make the money up later and won’t end up in financial ruin at the end of all this.

So now I start mediating without an agenda and journaling for hours with no other motivation than to know myself better.

And I trust.

“Fear of emptiness is primal. People get close to emptiness and struggle to fill up the empty space.” – Katherine Kerr

And then I saw the way in. I needed to answer the question:
“What is the burning need to have a big successful business covering up in my life?

Working constantly on my business was a refuge for me away from the things I didn’t want to face .

My unhappiness in some of my close relationships
Feeling deprived by the food program I was following to deal with a health issue
My weight gain since I started my business
My feelings of not having/being enough
The fact that I was unhappy where I was living
The fact that I had given up my social life and all the things I used to do for fun to pursue my business

It just seemed easier to keep working because I brainwashed myself into thinking that once my business was where I wanted it to be I’d feel better about life and somehow magically all these other things would resolve themselves.

A lot of the next four weeks was spent feeling very agitated and angry which made total sense. The thing I was using to distract me from my discomfort was out of the picture so it was just me and my unhappiness.

Not fun.

“All any feeling wants is to be welcomed with tenderness. It wants room to unfold. It wants to relax and tell its story. It wants to dissolve like a thousand writhing snakes that with a flick of kindness become harmless strands of rope.”- Geneen Roth

Once I cleared the space, I was able to focus on what things I wanted to put in that would bring me joy and feed my soul.

What if what you needed was right in front of you but you kept missing it because you were looking for something else? – Geneen Roth

I stopped looking for my business to fulfill my needs and started deliberately bringing more fun into my life.

After making a promise to myself in January 2013 and then talking about it for a year and a half, I finally went back to dance class.

I’m starting an improv class next week.

I started attending lectures and workshops that have nothing to do with business.

And we are moving from where we’ve lived and not really liked to a new place in a different community.

I started making a more deliberate effort to see friends.

I never could have made these changes if I stayed on the hamster wheel.

Once I addressed what wasn’t working and started to give myself the time off and fun I had been craving, a new vision for my business organically started to emerge and because it was coming from a place of want-to instead of have-to, I saw the areas where I wasn’t really showing up as myself in my business and got clarity on a brand new business model that’s so much more aligned with who I am.

I had a most incredible guide book for dealing with all of the feelings that I’d been repressing but was finally ready to look at. I cannot recommend The Four Principles by Katherine Kerr enough.

This book helped me to stay on the path and not run back to trying to make something happen in my business.

It’s about removing the emotional blocks that exist for you through feeling your feelings.

“The trick is to really care about something or someone and still hold it lightly—to be fully committed and relaxed at the same time. It’s important to remember that these two things are not in conflict—Relaxation actually serves the Commitment. If you’ve lost your sense of play, make it your job now to recover it.”- from The Four Principles by Katherine Kerr

So that was my summer.

You?

I’m curious,  how  was the Summer of 2014  for you?

Leave a comment below :)

Share

{ 8 comments }

The Summer of I Don’t Know

September 4, 2014

Just as many of you are in the midst of vacation, I’m finally returning from an almost 8 week hiatus from my business. I’ve taken this time off to disconnect, get some distance and take a long hard look at where I am and where I see myself going with my business.   I wanted […]

Read the full article →

Are You Missing This Important Branding Strategy?

March 13, 2014

Why Trusting Yourself IS a Business Strategy… We are all at our core deeply creative beings.  Cooking a meal, arranging a closet, taking photos, all of these are engaging our creativity.  Some of us live operate from logic (left-brain) and some of us live from our creative side (right brain), but regardless of what hemisphere […]

Read the full article →

Quit Doing This, It’s Killing Your Business

February 28, 2014

I had a big shift in my business at the end of 2013 and because of it, I’ve had an influx of clients, and opportunities in the last three months without having to put in a lot of effort. OK, I actually put in no effort. No kidding. So what WAS the shift? In my […]

Read the full article →

How Come You’re Still Doing Your Own Marketing?

February 27, 2014

In the last couple of months I’ve come into contact with a few people who, when they heard that I’m a marketing coach responded with:  “Oh, I don’t want someone to teach me how to market my business, I want to find someone to do the marketing for me and then I just do my […]

Read the full article →

Why You Need To Give Up The Fight

January 24, 2014

The other day one of my clients e-mailed me this: I’ve been feeling bad about my business lately. I feel like there’s so much to know and no matter how much I learn, there’s always more. Everywhere I look there’s someone who is doing it bigger, better, and faster than I am. OK, so there […]

Read the full article →

When Clarity Eludes You

January 13, 2014

I heard something very interesting the other day. “Clarity is an emotional state, not a mental state.” I have to be honest–I am in the business of connecting people to their clarity and I never actually thought about clarity as an emotional state.  But as soon as heard that sentence I thought, “of course, what […]

Read the full article →